I'll be here
by St.Alya
Summary: In which it take some time before Fili realizes what his brother means.


**I had this idea on a prompt on the Hobbit Kink Meme. I'm not sure it turned out exactly how it was supposed to be, but I like writing this kind of fic, with multiple short scenes. I hope you like it!**

**Xxxxxxxxxx**

I'll be here

They were laughing around the fire, the northern sky full of stars above them and the Blue Mountains far to the west. It was the first time Thorin had taken his nephews with him, making both young dwarves extremely joyous.

The mission was nothing important, just signing a trading contract with a human village nearby, but any journey was welcome for those who had never left mother's house. Fili and Kili were finally being allowed into their uncle's trusted circle, proof that they were growing up.

They had been listening to Dwalin's tales when Fili felt his brother nudging his arm. He looked to the side and saw what he considered one of the most beautiful sights to behold. Kili smiling under the stars, his dark eyes reflecting the fire light.

"I am very glad that I can share this with you, brother." Kili said, leaning his head a bit closer, and Fili found himself leaning closer in response, as if there was force pushing him towards his brother "I admire uncle a lot, but you… you are the most important thing in my life, Fili. I want to be with you always."

A painful tug makes Fili's heart skip a beat. It makes him happy and sad at the same time, because Kili is the most important thing in his life as well, but he knows that his brother can't possibly mean it the same way he does. Kili looks up to him like the older brother he is and Fili can't taint him with his own twisted feelings. There is nothing else he wants more in the world than having Kili at his side at all times (_beneath_ him too, but this thought is too impure to be allowed to exist in his mind in the presence of his brother), just not quite the way his sibling is probably imagining.

So he forces a smile and puts an arm around his brother's shoulder, pulls him to an embrace.

"I am happy to have been born on the same family as you, you are very important for me too. I promise I'll be here to share more of these brotherly moments with you. "

For a moment he is under the impression that Kili is tense under his touch, but after a moment it's gone and they are both laughing with the other dwarves again. Fili is not sure that he feels as happy before, yet he makes sure it doesn't show, for the benefit of his brother. _Brother_, he makes himself repeat in his head.

Xxx

Fili doesn't remember ever feeling this sick, or this cold. He is on his bed, wishing someone would light up a few hundred fires to warm up his room.

Faintly, he hears muffled voices outside the room and before he can try to raise his head to better assess the situation, the door is slammed open. The sound makes his wince but suddenly he can breathe better. _Kili_.

"Fili!"

It takes less than seconds for his brother to climb up in bed with him. Kili surrounds him with his arms and earthly scent and suddenly there it is. _Warmth_. The warmth he'd been craving.

"I am so sorry, brother! I was out hunting, I didn't know. I would never have left if—"

"It's fine, Kili." He interrupts him before a fit of cough assaults him.

"Fine? You're burning up!" Kili runs his hand over Fili's face and yes, this is just what he needs "Mother told me you are already recovering, but…"

Fili feels his brother's chest rise and fall around him in a worried sigh. "I'll stay here with you." Kili says, to what Fili immediately responds by shaking his head.

"No, you might get the sickness from me." It is so very difficult to say that, but Fili can't let Kili do reckless things "It's safer for you to leave."

Kili snorts. "Make me." He challenges, proceeding to remove his boots to make himself more comfortable, so the narrow bed can accommodate the two of them.

"You have no idea how worried I was when I met Gloin at the mountain gate and he told me you were sick… I must have knocked dozens of dwarves on the way, so fast I ran." Kili says with a sigh at the end of the sentence.

Fili chuckles, picturing it in his mind, then he looks up to find tender eyes looking back at him.

"We are never taking different jobs ever again. Either I stay at the forge with you or you come hunting with me. I want to always know that you're safe. I can't… I can't receive these ill news every time I come back."

Fili chuckles again "Are you taking my place as big brother?"

"Just for the while that you are ill." Kili smiles.

After a moment of looking into each other's eyes, Fili sees his brother's face acquire a serious expression. Then it comes.

"I can't live without you."

For a moment the pain in his heart makes Fili forget of the illness that is affecting his body. He can't live without his brother either, but he rather not talk about these things, because someday Kili will find a pretty dwarf girl and get married and their relationship will be a memory of their youth.

"I am not going anywhere, brother. This sickness will soon be gone." He closes his eyes and buries his head in Kili's chest, but next words stumble out of his mouth before he can control and it's a miracle that they don't sound bitter "I will be here tomorrow and on the other days. I'll be here to see you become a father and to play with the two sons you are sure to have. I expect one of them will have my name, no matter what your wife says."

"Of… of course." His brother answers somewhat stiffly, but Fili is not paying attention. He is concentrating into memorize this warmth, because he knows it won't last forever.

Xxx

They are about to leave with Thorin and some others. Their destination is south to meet a few Firebeards that have called them to council.

Fili chuckled at Kili, who was bouncing with impatience. They had been the first to arrive at the gates along with their uncle and now had to wait for the other six.

"Why aren't they here yet?" Kili is almost pouting at the road up the mountain "You would think that older and respectable dwarves would be more punctual than the two of us."

"Patience, nephew. They have families to say good bye to." Thorin said as he prepared his pony "I'll have you know that your mother never allowed your father to be on time for long journey departures."

Fili then noticed that his brother's quiver was a bit loose. He pulled his brother close to fasten it. "Here, you don't want this falling from your back."

Kili smiled gratefully at him, and was about to say something back when something caught his attention. "Oh, there they are."

After making sure that his aloof brother would not lose his quiver of arrows along the way, Fili looked up and saw their six companions approaching, some of them accompanied by wives. They stood apart with their uncle, respectfully waiting for them to say their good-byes.

Gloin and his companion caught Fili's eyes. Mima really was of rare beauty and the pair clearly shared a deep love. She had been carrying his weapons for him, like it was custom for couples still courting, then straightened his tunic. Noticing that Kili had been watching them as well, he commented.

"They make a beautiful pair."

"Yes, they do. Not sure why they haven't married yet."

"Mother says he wants to amount a bit of a fortune first. So they just court each other."

"Hmm…"

Later, when they were on the road, Kili was riding side by side with him when he made the question.

"Brother, can I carry your sword?"

Fili raised an eyebrow at him. Did he look like he was tired or anything? But Kili was looking straight ahead while they were riding, giving away nothing from his stance.

"Carry my sword?"

"Or your throwing axe… or your knives, if you prefer."

"I don't need you to carry my weapons."

"I… I _know_, but… I would carry your weapons, Fili." He still looking ahead, his face somewhat tense.

Carry his weapons? Like in _courting_?

Fili felt himself shiver with anger, because it had to be another of his brother's jokes and this was so not funny. Granted, Kili had no way of knowing that this particular joke would hurt him like it did. Kili had no way of knowing how long Fili had been controlling himself to not court his own brother like he wanted to. However, it didn't change the fact that there was a painful tug in his heart at the prospect that courting Fili was nothing but a funny joke to Kili.

"This is not amusing in the slightest, brother." He said coldly before making his pony ride faster, until he caught up with Thorin at the begging on the column.

Had he looked behind, Fili would have seen the crestfallen look on the younger's face.

Xxx

Fili was reclined against a fallen log on the woods, peacefully smoking his pipe when he heard Kili chuckling behind him. Their mother had sent them to hunt a good boar for their uncle's birthday and they were taking a quick rest before going back up the mountain with the meat.

"What's so funny?"

"Your braids are a mess." Kili said, putting his bow and quiver on the ground.

Fili groaned, he was never very good at making braids that could last during a hunt. Kili chuckled again and suddenly there was a leg on his both sides. He felt his brother's hands on his scalp, slowly untangling his blond hair.

This was far more relaxing than the pipe, Fili had no problem in admitting to himself. Closing his eyes, he shifted until he was more comfortable in his position and let Kili work.

"I like when you braid my hair." He found himself saying, blushing when he realized what he had said. Hopefully it would not sound to Kili as mellow as he thought.

There was a slight change on the finger's movements. They became more delicate, perhaps.

"I like braiding your hair." His brother finally answered "I could do this every day."

Fili does not answer immediately. His heart races faster at the prospect of receiving this blessing every day of his life. He is thankful that his brother cannot see his blush when he thinks about Kili braiding his hair in the privacy of their room and whatever may come after it.

"I would, if you'd want me to. Every day." His brother insists.

There is a sad smile on Fili's face now. _Ah, brother... So innocent._ Braiding was for close family and lovers, and while they were very close, Fili would prefer if they were lovers. He'd give up anything, even his claim as an Heir of Durin, if he could pull Kili to a kiss without fear of rejection, without guilt.

"That sounds good… but I don't think you'll have the time for braiding an older brother when you find yourself a pretty lass."

"_If_, I find myself someone." Kili answers quickly, after cleaning his throat.

"What are you talking about? With your looks of course you will find someone who wants to be with you." That's the painful truth that's been hunting Fili ever since he realized his feelings.

"That does no good if the one who wants me won't be the one I want to be with."

Fili has never heard his brother sound so somber before, but he agrees with what he says. He knows too well what that is like.

"True enough." And he tried to lift the serious tone "But I'll be here, brother, to make sure you have someone's hair to braid."

The sound of Kili's fingers on blond hair is the only thing they hear.

Xxx

The woods are a mess of orc blood. Warg corpses are scattered everywhere. There are a few dwarves on the ground as well and Fili thinks he will go crazy. He doesn't see Kili anywhere.

"KILIII!"

A head turns in his direction and suddenly he is racing across the field, jumping over bodies until his brother is safely breathing in his arms.

"Fili Fili Fili Fili Fili Fili."

Kili is clinging to him like he will die if he doesn't, crushing his bones and pressing against some few open wounds but Fili doesn't care. He will bleed happily if he will be asserted that his brother is alive.

They were accompanying Thorin north when they were ambushed by orcs. Good thing they had been in good number and heavily armed. While it had not been the brother's first battle, it was the first time they were scattered across the field, unable to aid each other during the fight. It was the first time that Fili was face to face with true despair.

"Don't ever do this again! You will not leave my side ever again, are we understood?!" he hears himself say into his brother's hair.

Kili nodded vigorously against his neck. "I don't intend to. Not during battles, not ever."

The tone in his voice makes Fili shiver. When Kili shivers in response he is frozen.

Slowly, his brother raises his head to look into his eyes.

"I want to be with you always, brother. I want us to take care of each other. I want to carry your weapons and I want to braid your hair every day. I want to share your bed." He said with a pleading look in his eyes "And I want you to not hate me for that."

And then it dawned upon him. There, looking into the pair of eyes he loved more than he had the right to, Fili understood. His racing heart acknowledging it before his mind, muddled with worry and disbelief and _hope_.

"It's not my fault that my heart chose you." Kili whispers and lowers his head, ashamed of his confession and fearful of the answer.

Fili whishes they had more privacy to say all the things he wanted to do with Kili, and that was quite a long list. On their current situation, however, he contented himself with lowering his lips to his brother's ear, enjoying the shiver he caused on the younger's body as he did so.

"Nor is my fault that you are the choice of mine."

xx

Fili had to wait two nights until they were safety back up in mountain again behind locked doors.

_Finally_, he thought, pressing his brother against the wall, getting intoxicated with his familiar.

"Finally." Kili echoed his thoughts, his hands working on freeing Fili from his shirt "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this."

"Believe me, brother, I do." He said, trailing kisses through what skin he could reach on Kili's neck "I am five years older, after all."

Kili laughed at that and suddenly the world became a blur. Fili found himself pressed against one of the beds, his brother straddling him with a smirk on his beautiful face.

"I hope you understand that does not put you on top." Kili says before he does his own share of neck kissing.

It's Fili's turn to laugh, because even though it is he that is beneath his brother, they are finally – finally – in a situation where he can express his feelings freely.

"We'll see about that." He says, pulling Kili's head to meet his lips and then there are no more words. There is only Kili. Kili _kissing him back_ and Fili thinks he is in some king of dwarf heaven.

They almost rip each other's clothes apart and for a moment, before he is completely lost in the feeling of being skin on skin with the one person he will love forever, Fili wonders how he had survived so long without this. Fleetingly, he asks himself how he had not noticed that his feelings were returned.

Much later in the night, after they had completed themselves for he doesn't know how many times, Fili is curled up around the younger one, stroking patterns on his chest. As exhausted as he is, he cannot find sleep. Neither can Kili, judging by the strong grip his brother had on his thigh.

"And this was just one night… he have many in front of us, don't we?" Kili asks, looking up to his eyes.

Fili smiled at him, hoping to transmit all the love that he feels for that amazing creature in his arms.

"Yes, beloved brother. I promise, I'll be here by your side for all the nights in front of us."

**Xxxxxxxxxxx**

**There you go! **

**I'm sorry I kind of skipped the sex, but I was not getting it right so I took it out of the fic in the end. I hope it's good even without it.**

**Bye bye!**


End file.
